Take Some Initiative, Men!

Inspired by a post I recently read on Doing the District, I decided to write my own opinions about DC men and dating initiative (or lack thereof). The 10 points on Doing the District’s post are spot on!

I know many of the women in DC can relate with me about guys often not taking initiative when it comes to dating! It’s frustrating for us. There are so many resources to find great date ideas, yet its the same old drinks/coffee/movie routine. Or, my favorite, the “You choose.” You choose? Really?! Just last weekend a guy told me he had no preference on a first date activity and that I should choose. After I chose, he told me he didn’t like my suggestion, without offering an alternative. It made me wonder if he was actually interested in going on the date with me or not. His apparent apathy made me decline to see him – indefinitely. Or “reschedule,” as I put it. No girl wants to feel like she has to convince someone to spend time with her. Nothing is more attractive than when a guy makes a specific plan for a date and then follows it through. Gives it 100%. It seems as though men here in DC do not approach dating the way they approach their careers. Careers in DC involve fighting to get to the top. Fighting to be seen. Fighting to do the best. Is it too much to ask that they put a little effort into taking a girl out on a date?

Museums in DC are free – that’s easy. There are a plethora of unique local spots to choose from – easy. There are free concerts nightly at the Kennedy Center – easy. Find LivingSocial or Groupon deals and go on a budget-friendly date – easy. Do a Google search for date ideas in DC – this is something I found.

Men, you have no excuse for not coming up with a creative date idea. Personally, I’m going to hold the men in DC to a higher standard if they want to spend time with me. If they clearly don’t put effort into a date or date idea, I will decline to see them and instead spend my time doing some of the amazing things DC has to offer by myself or with my friends. “You choose” attitude tells me that I’m not important enough to them to take a couple extra minutes to be creative. Be willing to give a girl a little bit of considerations, and you’ll have a better shot at hitting it off.

Tip: I just came across this post by HowAboutWe: “5 Great First Text Messages to Send After You Get Someone’s Number.” Find one of those texts (but not these!) that fits your style then ask her out on a real date that you have actually put thought into!

4 thoughts on “Take Some Initiative, Men!

  1. IdMakeAGoodBoyfriend says:

    Thanks for your feedback!

    I do get that men don’t want to do anything right away that would cast them in a bad light but if a guy comes with a few suggestions, I don’t know of anyone that would make a snap judgement. Have a few suggestions then let her decide. Then the guy gets credit for being creative and he knows that they are doing something she also enjoys. Make sense?

    • CallerAlgernon says:

      It does.

      At the same time, some women really want a decisive man. I’ve definitely read about girls complaining that a guy is making her make the choice, even if he came up with 3 or 4 options. There’s just a whole bunch of factors there that make me (and I think many men) inclined to take the “safer and more traditional” path.

      I say this because I’m actually thinking to myself “what if I do this on my next first date?” My internal dialogue says “it’s a risk, but it could be worth it.” So maybe I’ll give it a shot.

      • IdMakeAGoodBoyfriend says:

        Yes, there are always so many factors but honestly, I think being yourself is the most attractive thing a person can do on a date. If ‘you’ is geeky or sports-y, then suggest it! If it doesn’t work, you know that person is not on the same page with you.

  2. CallerAlgernon says:

    So first and foremost: agree.
    I agree that men should attempt to make the strides in coming up with date ideas and being creative about it (I stress about accomplishing this myself).

    That being said, I think a first date is too early to get creative. I think early on a lot of guys are concerned about doing something that will put a lady off. Suggesting we go to the museum might make me seem like a dork. Suggesting we go to the Caps game might make me seem too invested in sports.

    Not every girl has gone on hundreds of drink/coffee/movie dates and become bored of them. Also, the reason it’s a pretty common date choice is because it’s easy and it works. It’s easy to talk over a beer – the point of a first date is to talk.

    On a first date, I pretty much exclusively grab drinks with a girl. Once I learn something about her, that’s when I think the creativity matters more.

    Or maybe I’m just doing it wrong :)

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