I’m confused. Maybe it is because of years of women playing ‘hard to get’ or just being straight up bi***es but guys don’t seem to be very good about picking up the cues women drop. Maybe they are too scared to make the first move, too scared of rejection? Either way, I think the more women a guy asks out, the better his odds of getting a date. That does not seem to be the logic of the men I meet.
For example, I watched the Super Bowl with friends on Sunday at Boundary Stone. (Side note: Really great place and the owners are also very cool people. Nice, laid-back atmosphere.) There was a group of about 10 of us that evening. I spotted a guy shortly after I arrived as he also noticed me. We exchanged smiles and then went back to our respective groups. Several times during the game, our eyes met and we smiled at each other. I didn’t expect him to come initiate a conversation, and I decided not to approach him. We were both with our friends, and it would have been awkward for either of us to interrupt the other. When the game was over, I deliberately walked toward him on my way to the door, and he turned and said something. I then stopped and we started chatting. He asked if I was in the area, I said that I lived a few blocks away. We then chatted about the area and several hidden treasures nearby that we both enjoyed. He asked if I had been to one of the local coffee shops a little further down the street. I answered that I had never heard of it, but that I love coffee and would have to check it out. (Hint, hint…) Then I waited. And looked at him expectantly. And waited. He then smiled hesitantly and nodded, saying that it was a very cool place. WHAT?! OMG. I get so sick of making the first move! I won’t do it anymore! He played it PERFECTLY up to that point. He chatted easily and asked meaningful questions about me. He suggested a place that he thought I would like. He got a positive response from me. Then he didn’t close! He set himself up perfectly to ask for my number and/or suggest we visit the coffee shop together. We both showed interest in each other. What held him back from asking for my number? Or at the very least, naming a time and day and asking me to meet him? Sure, I could have made the first move, but I don’t want to always be the one that does. He had set up his play so smoothly that he could have moon walked right into the end zone and scored a date.
I sighed a little bit and smiled at him. I promised that I would definitely check out the coffee shop soon and hopefully see him around. He agreed that he hoped so and smiled again. *sigh* Missed opportunity.
As I walked back to my place with my friends, they asked about the guy. I explained the situation and they laughed at me. They found it funny that I would not give him a nudge or make the first move. But I stand by my decision to not be the one to make the first move all the time.
The more girls you ask out, the better your odds of scoring a date. It’s just that easy.
What do you think? Should I have closed the deal for him? Or was I right in giving him the opportunity and then letting him go? Does it even matter in our liberated, independent, equal opportunity 2012 who asks whom?
Amber Francis 
Thanks, it is hard to know how to handle each situation, even after it’s over.
So first, a technical argument. The more girls you ask out, the more dates you will go on – for sure. However, the more girls you ask out, the LOWER your ODDS are of scoring a date. Say my chance of asking a random girl on a date and her saying yes is 20%. However, we are talking about random girls here. Someone that I put effort into might have a higher chance of success, maybe up to 40%. It sounds like in the situation above, the guy’s odds are about 40%. If he were to wander around asking random girls out, then his chance of success will drop closer to 20%. So his odds are worse if he asks out more girls, but the quantity of dates he will receive will be higher. That being said, I think you were more suggesting that the number of dates will be higher.
But also like you said, being rejected sucks! It hurts your ego, so when us guys don’t see a strong signal, they just don’t go for it. This post was an entertaining read because it sounded like this guy set everything up, and then at the end he somehow panicked and gave up. Maybe your signal wasn’t as obvious as you thought. Maybe this guy wasn’t as confident as he seemed. Who knows?
In terms of “should you have made the first move?” Only if you want to. I imagine that you want to go out with this guy, which implies you should say yes, but if you resent the fact that you made the first move, then perhaps the answer is no.
Better luck next time!